


I'm trying to forget, so why do I remember?

by RavenAurelieChoiseau



Category: Twenty One Pilots, Tysh - Fandom, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Tyler, Cheating, Choices, Denial of Feelings, Drama & Romance, Drinking, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Hand Jobs, Kitchen Sex, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Rimming, Shameless Smut, Smut, Spit As Lube, Spying, Top Josh Dun, argument, broken bois, fucking from behind, joshler - Freeform, switch Josh Dun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-04-18 21:51:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14222535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenAurelieChoiseau/pseuds/RavenAurelieChoiseau
Summary: Josh is trying to forget Tyler, but it isn't easy. The pain of Tyler leaving him and marrying a woman is just too deep.Will Josh find love in the arms of another or will this be just another poor substitute for what he and Tyler once had?And what happens when Tyler starts having doubts??





	1. Not much to tell, except I miss you

**Author's Note:**

> A quick write, got inspired this morning. I just really can't stop writing about Josh.

Josh pushes Sam until his back crashes against the hard, concrete wall. All it takes is a few quick shoves. Sam is the same height as Josh, but tinier in frame. Easier to dominate. And that’s exactly what the drummer wants and needs right now. To dominate. He’s been submissive to Tyler for years and now he’s up for a change.

Sam grins, biting his prominent lower lip. His tongue catches on his piercing, twisting it, inviting the drummer in. He’s already undone his own belt, the top button hanging open, revealing the pale sliver of skin below and the dark blue lines of his tattoo. Josh can see the slim trail of dark pubic hair peeking through the slit. His dick stirs in its demin prison.

“No underwear again, huh? You are such a little slut, Sam.”

Josh licks on the little ring of metal obscenely, running his tongue along Sam’s perfectly straight teeth. The boy sighs, a guttural “ugh” escaping him. He’s kneading Josh’s perfectly round ass, fingers gripping his jeans and pulling eagerly at his back pockets. “I want you, Josh. God, I want you so bad. Always.”

Josh puts a finger to Sam’s mouth and whispers, “Suck baby. Make sure it’s good and wet.”

Sam obeys, puckering around it. He works it like he would a penis, leaving a copious amount of saliva when Josh pulls it out.    
“Good boy,” Josh murmurs against his ear.

Seconds later, Josh introduces his hand is down the back of the older boy’s pants, finger toying with his hole. Sam’s dick has popped out of the gap which was deliberately left open on the front of his trousers.  His heat is begging for Josh’s, he girates his pelvis along to the circling on his pucker.

“Fuuck” Sam breathes against him. "Jesus, fuck…you're so hot, Josh. It’s been two months and I can’t fucking get enough of you.”

Sam sticks his tongue out and Josh licks it, covering the other boy’s wetness with his own. The older musician really wants to tear at the drummer’s clothes, he needs his scorching skin chilled against Josh’s, who always seems to run a little cooler than him.

He continues to rub his cock against Josh’s groin as the drummer’s finger stretches his muscle, staining his jeans with precum as they kiss deeply.

Josh understands that Sam is hungry for his touch as he’s tugging desperately at his seam. He peels off his shirt, throwing it to the side. He removes Sam’s next, immediately taking advantage of the position by pinning Sam’s dainty wrists above his head.

Josh latches onto his neck, the soft skin there already marked with a dark purple stain from the previous night’s encounter. Josh sucks into it again, harder, using his teeth. Then he moves down another inch and starts a new one.

"Josh, ugh.." Sam urges him on. 

Their sculpted chests stick together, slick with sweat. Sam tastes salty because they haven’t had time to shower. It lingers on Josh’s lips and reminds him of the sea.

His teeth continue to pinch the tender flesh and Sam’s legs give. Josh spreads them with his knee rather forcefully, supporting him upright with his strong arms, yet purposely grazing his balls with the top of his thigh. Sam groans into Josh, struggling weakly under his grasp. He has no intention of getting away and lets himself go.

“Fuck me, Josh. Jesus, please fuck me.”

“Say you’re mine.” Josh whispers against him. “Say it.”

A clothed cock rubs Sam’s as their bodies seek friction. Sam writhes and twists his hips into the younger’s crotch. “I’m yours, Josh. Only yours.”  

Josh’s hot breath hitches. His sex is throbbing painfully. The ragged voice he hears may be Sam’s, but the broken voice he will always imagine is Ty’s. He knows how sad this is, and he doesn’t care. He can’t care. He just feels bad that he can’t be fully Sam’s.

This happens most nights. Josh is confident when he gets off the stage. Wired and horny. He has the swagger and the hard-on to prove it. Sam waits for him in his dressing room, equally turned on, and if there’s time, they fuck. When they have to rush off, Sam just gives him head or they jack each other off in a mad rush, continuing things on the bus once everyone is asleep.

To those who know Josh well, it’s evident that he undergoes a metamorphosis when he's playing. Up there, the lights blinding him to the crowd, he might as well be alone. And to be alone, playing drums, affords him the luxury of boldness. He is a self-assured musician who has no doubts as to his ability.

When he gets off stage, that’s when it all falls apart for him emotionally. He knows that in theory, Tyler is up there with him, the fact that they have shared everything in these years, including a bed, should have brought them closer together. And for a while, it did. But then things changed. Tyler had a crisis and made a choice. A life-altering choice.  
Tyler married someone. Tyler married a woman and abandoned Josh completely, leaving in his wake a drummer heartbroken and lost.

Even now, Josh sometimes still looks over at him, like they used to do during the concerts, but Tyler misses the cue. He's too busy gazing into the crowd, trying to spot his wife.

Josh understands why he did it, but he doesn’t accept it. He can’t. They were meant to be together and nothing will ever change his mind.  
Thus, it’s lonely on his little island. And honestly if he didn’t love what he does so much, and if their fans weren’t so devoted and amazing, Josh would consider quitting. The feeling he and Tyler had just isn’t the same anymore.

Sure, Josh and Tyler still play and tour together. They are still the Twenty One Pilots. But it's pretty much agony for the drummer. He craves Ty's skin. He falls back into his old behaviors unknowingly. Trying to steal a touch here, to catch a bit of Tyler's scent there. It's pathetic. Josh knows it and yet continues to stumble into the same trap over and over again. 

The drummer’s emptiness is slowly choking him and it's undeniable.  He hopes Ty can't hear him crying at night in his bunk, stifling his sniffles in the t-shirt he stole from his bandmate’s duffle. (Or does he secretly hope that he does?)  
It

It happens every night, unless Sam is crammed into the bunk with him. Lately they have taken to sleeping together, despite the cramped space. This is how badly Josh longs for physical and emotional connection.

He wishes he could be more like Tyler and just be able to switch it all off. But he can't. He is just not wired to be dead inside. This is why when he met Sam, he threw himself into the relationship with (almost) complete abandon. Sam is cute, sweet, funny, and available. They were going to be touring together for months, so neither saw the harm.

Josh guesses that for this reason, lately it has gotten easier. If easier means fucking Sam blind every chance he gets. Who knew this little brunette could make him forget Tyler, if only for brief moments. 

Sam Hunter, class of 2006. A few months older than Josh, he is the frontman and bassist for TOP’s opening band, Hunter’s Moon. Of course Sammy is no substitute for Tyler. But his fuckable mouth and hot body keep Josh distracted. Sam had a thing for Josh years previous, and when he discovered that he would get the opportunity to tour with him, he pretty much lost it. He would have never expected that by the time he and Josh would meet, Tyler would have been married and Josh would be desperately looking for a steady fuck.

Sam was happy to oblige. And why wouldn’t he? The more he got to know Josh, the more he liked him. And Josh’s disposition, when they finally got sexual, absolutely drove Sam crazy. He loved to be told what to do, still does, and Josh has become very good at being a dom.

Neither Sam nor Josh are sure what Tyler thinks of all this. A part of Josh hopes that Tyler seeing him with Sam all the time will make him jealous. But Tyler hasn’t said anything at all about it, which is what Josh finds odd. Tyler’s saltiness is well-known, so his silence is very unusual and perhaps disturbing.

But that’s not what is on the boys’ minds right now.

Right now Josh releases Sam’s wrists, and his hands frantically seek out Josh’s zipper. The drummer follows, it’s automatic. Wthin seconds Sam has stepped out of his pants. He doesn’t bother wearing underwear anymore, it’s just more practical. He and Josh have fucked after every show for the past two months and this has simply become a time-saver.

Sam's eyes rest on Josh’s gorgeous dick, he never fails to get excited when he sees it. It’s thick and flushed pink, and ready to be sucked, tiny droplets glistening on its swollen tip. Sam’s own cock strains against his stomach, extremely erect and raw from the grinding.   
“Kneel for me, baby,” Josh orders, even though he doesn’t have to. Sam is already sliding down to pray at his temple.

 Josh’s hands rake through Sam’s dark hair, guiding him to the tip and pushing his cock inside his willing, plush mouth.

“Ugh fuck,” Josh whimpers. “It’s so perfect every time.”

Sam’s swirling his shaft, fist twisting at the base. He has learned quickly what the younger man likes. Josh looks down lustfully, eyes blown, reading Sam’s large brown eyes, half-lidded under heavy lashes.   
“Jesus, I don’t have a type,” Josh thinks between moans. It's difficult not to think about Tyler, but he is doing his best not to. Sam is wonderful to him and deserves some presence of mind. 

The bassist drags his piercing along the length of the drummer’s cock, using his teeth just lightly enough to send shivers through Josh. He’s licking everywhere but the tip, the vein pronounced and pulsating. He insists with this motion for a few minutes, until Sam starts bobbing up and down, deeper and deeper. He’s working the slit when he reaches the tip, kitten licking it. If this goes on he is going to blow his load right here. 

Josh hisses, he is so fucking close, and judging from how much Sam is vocalizing, so is he.

“Come here,” Josh breathes, pulling him up by the brown locks laced into his fingers.

“I’m so fucking close, Sammy. I just want to cum while kissing you. Let’s just jerk each other off and when we’re on the bus –“

Sam cuts him off with a kiss, one hand cupping his cheek and the other wrapping almost around his cock. Josh is thicker than most men he's been with, and he'd probably need both hands to handle him well. 

The drummer can't contain his orgasm for much longer. 

Two fists stroke cocks vigorously, and it’s but a minute until Josh and Sam break against each other. They dissolve, fall against the wall, a heaving, drippy mess. Josh leans in and Sam angles, their kiss sloppy and dirty, just like they like it once they finish. 

On the other side of the wall, in his own dressing room, Tyler leans against the thin cement divider. His ear is pressed to the cold brick, and for the umpteenth time, tears in his eyes, he is wiping away the warm cum from all over his belly.  
“I have to stop doing this,” he thinks to himself. But he can’t. He knows he won't. He misses Josh and he absolutely hates that his ex-love is so happy with a new boy. He despises himself for spying, yet lives vicariously through the sexual escapades of his replacement.

The irony isn’t lost on him as he’s reminded that he created this situation. With his clean hand he grabs the phone now vibrating in his pocket and replies with a low, trembling voice to his wife’s call.

 

 


	2. I just can't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler confronts Josh with an indecent proposal.

Once Sam leaves for the bus, Tyler, who has cleaned himself up in the meantime, knocks on Josh's door.

"Josh? Can I talk to you a minute?"

Josh glances towards him. The singer looks distraught, golden skin flushed.

"What's up, Ty? You feeling okay? You look really red."

Tyler blushes further. If Josh gave it a second thought he'd realize that he has just cum. He has just cum because he was listening to Josh and Sam have sex. Josh knows too well what his post-sex (or orgasm) face is like. Still, who would do such a thing spy on his ex with another? 

Tyler's eyes dart around the room, he can't help but notice the confused state. The air smells of sex and booze. Empty bottles are strewn about. Since when did Josh start drinking so much?

The singer studies his bandmate's face. God he misses him. He misses that pouty, full mouth, those strong arms embracing him in the dark. He's been thinking a lot. Perhaps too much. 

Josh grabs a t-shirt from the rack, and changes in front of Tyler. Sculpted abs tense and relax as he pulls a fresh shirt over his head.

"Ty? What's up?" Josh asks again. 

Tyler clears his throat, staring down at his sneakers for a second. "Josh, I need to talk to you about something important. Hold on, let me close the door." 

As soon as he's back, he places himself in front of the drummer and bites nervously into his lip.   
"I'm all ears, Ty. Go on." Josh is curious to discover what the hell is going on. Tyler hasn't really spoken to him in months. 

The singer's emotions are choking him. "Fuck it," he thinks.

"Josh, I can't stand by and watch you waste your time with Sam. You need to stop seeing him," he spits out. 

Josh passes from a confused look, and into an angry one. His forehead wrinkles and his lips tighten into a thin line.

"What gives you the right to tell me who to date? If you've forgotten, Ty, you were the one who left me all alone and got married. To a woman." 

The singer's chewing on his inner lip now, it's going to bleed soon. His hands tremble at his sides. "I know, Josh. I know. I don't have the right. At all. But..."

Josh takes two long steps towards his bandmate and stares him down. "But what?!" 

"I love you, Josh. I love you. I can't live without you. I want to get back together with you."   
  


Josh sucks in a breath, his heart beginning to furiously pound in his chest. "You know I love you, Tyler. You know this. But you're married. What are we supposed to do, go back to sneaking around? I can't live like that. I won't." 

Tyler nods, swallowing back tears. He's fucked everything up and it might be too late now to fix it. 

"I'll leave her. It'll take some time, Josh. But I'll leave her, I promise. Just be mine again." 

Two doe eyes cut into Josh's, long lashes batting in time to his own. Josh's heart hurts. He wants this so badly, he wants Tyler so badly. Maybe, just maybe, they could make this work again. 

"Tyler..." Josh whispers. 

"Josh..." Tyler mouths. 

"Kiss me, Tyler..:"

Josh gives in. They melt into one another like only they know how; warmth and sweetness and a hollow hope that everything will be okay consumes them. 

 

 


	3. Sam I am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh is conflicted. He continues to see Sam AND Tyler.

Josh has been staring up at the ceiling for an hour before he feels Sam stir. Josh’s taut body shifts and he turns over to allow Sam to spoon him from behind.

Sam kisses his freckled shoulder as he inches closer. He feels the makings of an erection against him. A dull ache awakes from Josh's nether region.

This has been going on for weeks. Josh has been sleeping with Tyler and Sam since the tour ended. Tyler can’t exactly judge Josh, he is cheating on his wife with him. Sam isn't privy to all this information, though. And while Tyler struggles not to think about it, avoiding the knowledge that there will be an inevitable discovery, he is more than aware that either Sam or his wife, or both, will find out. And then there’ll be hell to pay.

Josh surely can’t claim not to be satisfied sexually. There are days he makes love 3-4 times. Just not with the same person.   
“Jesus what am I doing?” he thinks to himself.

It’s a very delicate situation, and unfortunately for him, he has feelings for both men. Just in very different ways. But his heart knows what it wants: Tyler. It was always and will forever be Tyler. Full stop.

“Hey gorgeous...what time is it?” a very groggy Sam asks, lightly scratching Josh’s sculpted chest.

“It's almost 9.” The drummer replies, his curls a crazy mess atop his head.

“Well, we don't have to be at the studio until 11 so...”

His hand reaches over and lightly grazes Josh's dick, which is already half-hard. It elongates almost immediately, the drummer’s body reacts as his pale skin prickles, Sam's warm breath tickling his neck. No matter how many times Sam has him, Josh leaves him wanting more. Josh’s sex stiffens at each of Sam’s caresses, having admitted long ago to himself that he’s extremely attracted to the singer.

Josh's nipples peak under Sam's right palm as the fingers of his left hand slip between his legs. Josh releases the tension and they lightly spread apart.

Sam's touch is delicate. His thumb gently fingers Josh’s slit as he strokes him slowly. The other hand descends, circles his opening and two fingers disappear inside his heat with a sigh.

Soft groans escape the drummer as the singer’s digits move within, massaging his prostate. "Oh yes, Sammy...yes..." Josh manages between pants. 

Sam bites into his lower lip. The first wave of shivers shake him as well. “Ugh Josh, fuck…so hot…”  The fingering grows more urgent, and so does Sam's stroking. 

Josh moans, “Sam….faster, please…”  
The singer scissors his fingers as his other hand milks Josh’s thick cock ever more fervently.

“I want you to cum on my hand. Come for me, baby...do it...” Sam murmurs.

 

Sam's expert tongue draws lines down Josh's neck and shoulders as if it were a canvas. His soft caress turns more forceful as he pumps Josh into his imminent orgasm. Josh perceives Sam’s length against him, now very prominent. He usually tops but today he wants to feel him inside. 

Sam puts pressure on his sweet spot and Josh melts into his first explosion. “Fuccckkk” the drummer whimpers, spurts of watery release covering his stomach and Sam’s fist.

He grabs into Josh’s flesh, still two fingers deep in his ass while his other hand strokes Josh through the orgasm. 

Josh’s cum has coated the top of his hand, Sam sucks the white cream off his fingers with a loud and obscene smack.

Josh is still catching his breath, chest heaving, but continues to ride Sam’s fingers.

“Fuck me, Sam….fuck me…”

Sam had an idea that he'd want him to top. It was something Josh had said last night in bed. He smiles to himself. 

The singer slips on a condom with his free hand, the tip of his penis seeking the drummer’s entrance.  With his back still turned, Sam gently inserts his manhood into Josh. Inch by inch, the muscle tightens so nicely around his shaft, and Josh’s natural reaction is to bring himself closer to the older boy, adjusting his position to better receive him. Josh arches his back into the gyration of his lover's hips.

Their breathing quickens, and Sam whispers into his ear, barely audible... “I want you... always. You are like a drug to me, Josh.”

His heat burns into the drummer, and as he begins to speed up, his rhythm even and exacting, Sam places one leg over Josh’s, pushing himself into him as deeply as possible. He places his warm hand on Josh’s thigh and both moan loudly as their yearning bodies slam each other. Sam’s pace is regular, studied, every movement within a calculation to hit Josh’s prostate.

Josh groans, fingernails digging into Sam’s arm, and the singer bites into his shoulders. "Harder, Sam, harder..."

His pelvis bucks as his cock repeatedly rams into Josh. He feels deliciously full. “Fuck, Sammy…fuck. You feel so good.”

The thing with Sam is he knows how to pleasure. Everything about him is raw sexuality and prowess. His skin has an ethereal scent to it, like it has been kissed by something that rained down from the heavens. Their lovemaking is different from when he’s with Tyler. It’s more visceral, crude. With Tyler, it’s love. It's sweet. 

Josh desires Sam so badly that he moves against him in time, anything to get more friction. “Oh god” he nearly screams.

The rhythm is more urgent now, and both fight the urge to come. Sam’s thumb finds it's way to Josh’s cock again and he tugs his length as his movements become more violent. His fingers slide up and down the throbbing member and the contrast in speed is maddening.  
Josh trembles as he reaches his orgasm for the second time, calling his name. “Sam fuck ...Sam...”  

His walls tighten on Sam's pulsating prick and seconds later he feels teeth dig into his skin, Sam’s hot seed spilling into the condom as he lets go completely. His teeth remain, tearing at flesh as if he were trying to mark Josh.

“Jesus, Josh….fuck…” Sam pants.

Their laboured breathing calms, his erection slowly wanes and then eventually he slips out.   
“You are so fucking beautiful” says a voice from behind.

“You drive me insane, you know that?” Josh answers, half-laughing.

  
Turning over, they are now facing each other. Sam’s warm earth eyes sparkle..and the wave of guilt washes over Josh again.

He’s not entirely sure why he feels guilty...scratch that. He knows exactly why. They had never discussed being exclusive so Josh really couldn’t be blamed. Except Josh knows that Sam is in love with him, and that he isn’t seeing anyone else.

The problem is that the drummer’s been sleeping, and had long ago fallen for, his best friend in the whole world.

“Breakfast?” Sam suggests, grazing the tip of Josh’s nose with his finger.    
Shit, Josh has forgotten that he’s meeting Tyler at 11. Fuck.  
“Um...I can't. I have a thing, I'm sorry. Why don't we catch a drink after you are done in the studio? I’m sorry I can’t come with.”

Sam’s brow furrows in disappointment. “Ok...make me eat alone.”   
Josh opens his mouth to say something but he gets kissed instead. Sam’s tongue lingers just a moment on Josh’s full lower lip and he gently sucks at it. 

“I'm kidding, baby. If you've got stuff to do, no problem. Call me later. Wanna shower together to save time?” That smile of his lights up his face. He is so damn pretty.   
“You and I know damn well that it will most definitely NOT save time," Josh replies. 

  
Chuckling, Sam rises from the bed, naked in all his glory, and Josh watches his statuesque backside as he saunters towards the bathroom.   
“You sure?” He peeks over the door frame.   
“I'm sure” Josh laughs.

“Ok, your loss” is the muffled response from behind the wall. The shower curtain makes that swoosh noise.

 

Josh waits until he hears the water running to call Tyler.

“Ty...hey....”

“Hey gorgeous..” his broken voice replies.

“I missed you last night. I hate it when you leave me alone. In every sense. Are you coming over?”  
“Yeah, I am” Josh whispers. “Give me 40 minutes or so.”

There is a short pause and he knows what Ty is thinking.

 “Jesus. Ok. Well tell Sam hi from me. No wait...don't. “

Josh doesn’t really know what to say so he just quietly replies “See you soon.”

Something has to give sooner or later, neither of them can go on like this. Josh feels completely torn.


	4. Breakfast at Tyler's---

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh visits Tyler for breakfast.

Josh has a key to Tyler’s house, he's had one since forever, so he just lets himself in. He only does this when he is sure Tyler’s wife isn’t home.

Tyler stands with his back to the door, at the kitchen counter. His tight t-shirt and pajama pants fill out his gorgeous, athletic body.   
Without turning he greets Josh warmly. “Hey there, sunshine. Want some breakfast?”   
Josh is famished. “Yes, please.”

The drummer saunters up to him, the smell of his freshly showered body a welcome scent. He hugs him from behind with two muscular arms.

“I missed you, TyTy.”

Tyler is still stirring the eggs but he turns his face, his chocolate eyes shining. He cut himself shaving Josh notices a moment later.

“Hey there, boo.” He kisses the top of Josh’s nose sweetly. “Soo...how was last night?”

Josh stiffens. “Come on, Ty. Don't start. You know this can't go on. I feel horrible.” Josh leans against the counter to face Tyler.

“Listen...do you think I like it any more than you do? I don't want it to be this way. I just don't know what to do. I don't have the balls to tell her. You don’t want to tell Sam for the same reason.”

Josh smiles at Tyler and he melts. He’s holding a spatula in one hand and leans in to plant one on Josh’s plump lips.   
“Let's not talk about it now. Let's eat. Before I get naughty thoughts," Tyler winks. 

The boys have a pleasant breakfast. Tyler talks about some of the new ideas he has for the band and while he does so, he fondles Josh’s hand with his index finger.

“Hey, there's an exhibition at the modern art museum I wanted to see. Wanna come with later today?” Tyler asks.

“Sure. You know I love me some art.”

They stand to do the washing up and again Tyler kisses Josh, this time parting his lips and exploring him more deeply. Without breaking the kiss he puts the plates down on the table and cups his beautiful face in his soft hands. Tyler places one on the back of Josh’s head and twirls curls into his fingers. They wrap their arms around one another and share an unbelievably long embrace as Tyler rests his head in the crook of Josh's neck.

Tyler can’t help but pass his hand over Josh’s cock. It’s rock hard and hot to the touch through the fabric. He wants him so badly it’s an ache. His right hand pulls down his own pj pants as his left undoes Josh’s belt buckle. Josh aids him, smiling coyly. 

A moment later their pants are around their ankles and Tyler is stroking his long, thick dick as he licks Josh's tongue.

"Mmm," Josh moans into his mouth. Tyler’s cock drips pre-cum as it bounces against his belly.

Tyler drops to his knees and swallows Josh's cock whole. The need to taste him is overwhelming. Josh’s hands grab Tyler’s head and draw him closer, Ty almost choking to have him that far in his throat. The scent of his sex fills Tyler’s nose and it stirs up a hot ball in his stomach.

Tyler flattens his tongue, licking his length feverishly, hollowing out his cheeks while sucking him eagerly.

“Oh yes baby like that...faster..faster Ty” and as he screams it, the drummer grasps his lover’s head and pushes him back and forth on it. A loud groan escapes Tyler’s throat that reverberates down into his penis.

“Fuck...fuck...” Josh breathes out. “Ty…I’m gonna cum….stop…”

Tyler stands, ruby lips puffy and moist from the effort. Josh crashes his lips into his.

“Fuck me against the counter, Josh. Make me yours again and again.” Tyler licks his chest up to his earlobe as he begs for him.

Josh puts two fingers on the singer’s lips, which Tyler obscenely licks. His hand travels to his shaft, stroking it back to marble-hardness.

Letting go, Josh backs him up against the sink, showing him what is waiting for him between his legs. Josh takes a moment, eyes transfixed on the glistening pink pucker there.

Josh doesn’t waste any time, he drops to his knees as he buries his face in Tyler’s ass. He pushes in the wet fingers, licking around the muscle.  

Tyler groans loadly against the heat of Josh’s tongue. “Ugh Joshie, fuck…please….fuck me hard.”

When Josh thinks he’s ready, he spreads his legs in almost a fury of lust. Using the corner for balance, Josh lifts one of Ty’s legs and holds it aloft.

He penetrates Tyler, his fat cock disappearing into Ty's tightness. Tyler whimpers, wanting him to break him. “Fill me completely, Josh. I want all of you in me.”

His girth and length yet again fulfill every expectation the singer has as he rams into him, as if his thirst couldn't be quenched by anything else.

 

The cold of the counter digs into Tyler’s flesh and Josh's hips try a movement that causes him to see stars, exploding like fireworks before his eyes. Both Tyler and Josh begin to violently moan as Tyler cums hard, the secretions pumping out so copiously that it all drips onto the marble below. Hearing his name sends Josh into a passionate fury.

Thrust after thrust Josh feels nothing but pure ecstasy. He begins to wonder how much longer he can resist without coming again, the blaze around his member begging to be put out. 

Some time later, his hot spurts accompany a growl, and Josh collapses against Tyler’s back, panting. His tattoed arm grabs Tyler from behind as he gently kisses his neck.

When Josh pulls out, he feels empty desolation.

“I want to be inside you forever, Ty. You complete me.”

Tyler swings around and his lips meet Josh’s once more, tenderly this time. 

“I love you so much it hurts” he exclaims. “Fuck this. We have to tell Sam, if that's what you want. I mean...if you want me. I can't share you anymore with him. And I’m asking her for a divorce.”

 


	5. Nobody Said It'd Be Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finds out that Josh has been cheating. He is not amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a hot mess!!

To see them from afar, they resemble one of those teenage couples...holding hands and sneaking kisses behind closed doors. Anyone who knows them at all can read the love in their eyes. Josh catches Tyler gazing at him when he thinks he isn't looking, and it’s extremely endearing.   
Josh can’t deny any longer that Tyler has truly fallen for him, hard. If he harbored any doubt, today proved it to him. Tyler still loves him, and Josh, well, he was gone for the singer a long time ago. 

  
Sam calls twice while the boys are out together, and with a heavy heart Josh swipes DENY. Honestly, he hurts because he cares for Sam very much. He just doesn’t know how to handle the situation any longer. He stares a moment at Sam's face on his phone. It's been his background for a few weeks now, but he realizes he needs to change it. Tyler's probably never noticed, or if he has, he hasn't bothered to say anything. In light of what's happening, the right thing to do is come clean. But how can he do that to Sam? But is sneaking around like this any better?

Sam is worried. Josh was supposed to have drinks with him and hasn't been picking up at all. Begrudgingly, the singer tries Tyler’s phone as well and finally Tyler answers.  
"Um Hi Sam, what's up?" He puts his finger to his lips telling Josh to be quiet. "Um...no. I dont know where Josh is." He raises his eyebrows. "Yes, okay, if he calls me I'll tell you. You are going to the studio tomorrow, okay, I’ll tell him."   
Josh can’t discern what Sam is saying. "Ok dude. Sure thing." Pause. "Ok yeah. Talk to you later."

Tyler sighs. "He's not going to the studio tonight. You mind coming with me?"  
A knot forms in the pit of Josh’s stomach. He feels like a piece of shit. 

"I don't know. What if someone is there? What if Sam shows up?"  
Tyler puts his arm around Josh and kisses the top of his head. "No one will be there. They've all been this morning. Come on, I want to sing you a song." Tyler smiles widely. "You know you love to hear me sing." 

"How can I refuse that grin?” Josh rubs his elbow nervously. Something inside is nagging at him.   
"Alright then. Let's grab some food and then we'll head over there." Tyler takes Josh's hand in his and he leads him to the car.   
  
_At the studio_  
  
Josh loves to watch Tyler work. He becomes a different person. Being an introvert himself, he understands that Tyler needs quiet and so he doesn't disturb him. Josh just sits on the couch, legs tucked underneath him, and watches him in awe. Tyler's facial expressions reflect his thought processes. He mumbles something under his breath and then curses Pro Tools.  Josh chuckles.  
Tyler turns his head and grins. "I know...I'm a nerd."  
"Yes, you are. But you're my nerd. And what do you think, that you’re with the captain of the football team? I'm as nerdy as they come."  
Tyler swings his chair around and rolls over to the drummer. "I know, I know..we're two dorks." He grabs Josh's knees gently and squeezes.

  
Tyler stands and joins Josh on the couch. His body spray teases him, filling the space between them.  Josh puts his face in Ty’s hair and kisses it. He smells like strawberries.

Tyler’s fingers intertwine with Josh’s. "Come here " he whispers.

He inches closer and hesitates just a moment before locking lips with him. Josh shifts, straddles his legs and they started kissing even more passionately. Tyler’s mouth is so soft and warm, their tongues wrestling as Josh comes in occasionally to bite the singer’s upper lip playfully. Tyler places one hand under Josh’s firm buttock and the other behind his head. Josh’s arms envelope his neck and they press their chests together.

They make out like two horny teenagers, breathing growing more laboured as their hands explore well-known territory. Tyler’s hardness pokes from beneath Josh and the drummer’s own erection pulls on the front of his jeans.

Tyler breaks the kiss for a moment and just stares into Josh's chestnut eyes. Josh feels naked, like Tyler is looking directly into his soul. He feels flushed all of a sudden.   
Tyler pulls in, drawing Josh to him once more and their mouths collide. They could go on like this for an eternity. Except they don't.   
The only sound in the room is soft moans until what startles them is a door opening...and the shout.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK?" Sam and his drummer Adam stand in the doorway.

Josh and Tyler look like kids caught with their hand in the cookie jar.  
"Jesus Fucking Christ what the FUCK are you doing, Josh?" Sam yells, voice pitchy.  
Sam’s face has gone beet red. Adam simply mutters "Oh shit"under his breath. 

Josh jumps off Tyler. The situation is so awful, there is honestly no explaining their way out of it.  
Tyler is unusually calm. He stands to his full height. "Sam, I can explain...please..."

Tyler feels threatened all of a sudden. "Listen, Sam...man...I'm sorry. We were going to tell you."  
Sam’s fists are clenched and they tremble at his sides. "You piece of shit, Tyler. He's mine. You always have to take everything, don't you, Tyler? You threw him away like trash and then just come back and scoop him up whenever you please. You couldn’t stand to see him happy with someone else. It's what Tyler Joseph wants or nothing at all.”

Josh swallows hard, because he knows Sam is right.   
"I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did, Sam." Josh's voice is barely above a whisper. He stands there silent, waiting for a reaction. Whatever it may be, he deserves it. His nose twitches and his tongue nervously licks back and forth on his chapped lips. Josh feels awful but a part of him is also relieved.  
"Sammy..." Josh breathes. The singer has tears in his eyes.   
  
Sam turns his death glare towards Josh. “Don't Sammy me, Josh. And how could you?! Fuck... you slept at my house last night. We did it like 3 times!” The realization paints his face. “Did you fuck him today? DID YOU?!"  
Josh’s silence is the answer. He looks down at the floor, ashamed.  
"Oh, this is rich. So that's where you were today. This is the thing. He's your 'thing.'"  
Josh opens his mouth to speak but Tyler intercedes.

"Shit dude, I know you're hurt...but you weren't exclusive. Honestly, I’ve loved him for a long time. Longer than you.” Tyler is trying to make this a point, but Sam isn't having it.   
He shakes his head in disbelief. “Right. Let’s pull our dicks out and see whose is longest? You fucker. When exactly did your divorce finalize cuz I still remember you being FUCKING MARRIED.”

Josh winces and Tyler looks away. He's got him there.   
Sam clicks his tongue. "You asshole, Josh. You could have just said something. I'm not fucking 15.”

Adam puts a hand on Sam’s shoulder and he shrugs it off. He's beside himself now.

“Tyler, you couldn't get another ..huh. You needed to take him from me at all costs! And that's just how it is. You will always win over me. Over anyone. Not even a marriage keeps you from him."

Tyler, who never liked Sam, is beginning to feel guilty. Better late than never.   
"Sam...I loved him before you two hooked up. It’s just got to the point where I couldn't wait anymore. Seeing you two together made me realize that I'd made a mistake, that I want, I need Josh back. And I don’t owe you explanations but I AM leaving her."

Sam shuffles in place, staring down at his feet. He sniffles. “You're an asshole. You don't know a goddamn thing.” He puts a hand in his pocket and pulls out a ring box.

His eyes are brimming with tears. “I've been carrying this around with me for a month. You’ve been so sweet to me, Josh. It made me realize how special you are.”   
His espresso eyes shoot through the drummer. “I was going to ask you to marry me. I almost did it this morning.” He holds the small box between his quaking fingers.

Josh swallows hard. This has turned into a shit storm. "Sam, I'm so sorry. I didn't know.."

Adam stands in the doorway, his face grey from shock.  
“Josh...I don't even know what to say. I never expected you to do this to me. How long?”  
Josh hangs his head. “It doesn't matter.”  
Sam takes a step towards him. “It matters to me. HOW LONG?”

“A few weeks. I’m not sure exactly.” Josh replies.

Sam feels faint. “What? I don't fucking believe this.”

Josh puts out his hand but Sam slaps it away. “Don't you fucking try to make this better, Dun. Both of you make me sick. You know what? You deserve each other." 

Sam turns to exit the room, but as an afterthought addresses Tyler again. “I hope you fucking love him, man, because you ruined a friendship over this. And if you dare hurt him again, like you did before, I’m going to fucking kill you.”   
Despite everything that's happened, Sam still cares. And this just guts Josh. 

Adam steps aside to let Sam leave.  
“Jesus, Josh, what the hell?” Adam enquires, lifting his palms up.

Josh sighs. “Listen...it just happened. I can't help how I feel. It's not like you don't understand feelings, Adam.”  
The other drummer adjusts his beanie and zips up his hoodie.   
“Man, this is going to fuck shit up so bad. He's devastated, dude. Just let this blow over, stay away for a while. Please.”

“Yeah I will. I think I can make him reason when his temper settles.”  
“I don't know about that but for now I'd nix any plans you’ve made.”  
“Yeah I think you’re right.”  
Adam exhales audibly. “Well, I better go check on him. See you two later. I'd say behave but that ship has sailed long ago.”

  
When Adam steps out, Tyler turns to Josh and raises his arms. “What the hell was I supposed to do? It's over now. We don't have to hide anymore.”

Josh's soul hurts. “I don’t have to hide anymore. From Sam. What about you? When are you going to tell her, Ty? Because you know I love you more than life, but I didn’t just break Sam’s heart to go back into the closet with you.”

Tyler walks over to him and puts his head on his chest. “I love you, Joshie. I can’t go on being with her, it isn't fair to you or her. I swear I am going to tell her tonight.”

Josh simply nods. His nostrils fill with the scent of strawberries and he shuts his eyes, counting off the beats of Tyler’s rapidly pumping heart.

“Okay Ty. I trust you. Okay.”

“It’s going to be, Josh. It’s all going to be okay. I swear it. I won't hurt you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate breaking Sam's heart like this. :( and he was going to propose!! UGH....I hate my brain.


	6. Moët & Chandon and a whole lotta drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is heartbroken. Josh reaches out to apologize.  
> I suck at summaries.

Sam stares at the name blinking on his screen. It's a subliminal insult.   **JOSH JOSH JOSH**

He can barely make out the letters through the booze fog.It’s a cruel twist of fate, that Joshua Dun is calling him _now_. Here he is, stretched out on his bed, choking on his pain.  
  
Sam has been busy of late. Busy crying, sleeping, and above all sinking into the duvet, mind swimming in a pool of gin.  
He is tangled in thoughts about the drummer. The stupid neon-haired drummer insisting on speaking to him.  
  
He blinks several times, making certain he’s seeing it right. Sam’s very tempted to deny the call, but it’s been three weeks since he caught Josh cheating. Three weeks since his life fell apart. He misses him.  
  
Sam Hunter is a shadow of his heartbreak. Gaunt, pale, broken.   
His gaze is drawn to the bottom drawer of his dresser. Beneath underwear and socks hibernates the ring with which he was going to propose to Josh.  
“God, I was such a fool,” he thinks.

It’s 2:21 a.m.   
Maybe he should answer. Maybe Josh is in trouble. The phone has not stopped ringing. Begrudgingly, he swipes right. “Hello?” he sniffles.   
  
There’s a moment of silence on the other line. Josh wasn’t expecting him to answer.   
“Ugh…Sam? It’s Josh.” The drummer’s voice is low and gritty.

“I know, Josh. Why are you calling me, and so late? What do you want?” There is no warmth in his flat tone.

The faint sound of traffic fills the void left by their voices.   
“Josh, u there?” Sam sits up on the bed and with one trembling hand tops off his drink.   
  
“Yeah,” he clears his throat. “Sorry, Sammy, - I mean, Sam. I’m here. I’m sorry to call so late.”  
Sam takes a sip and winces. Would he like more soda in his gin?   
  
“It’s fine Josh.” He slurs the _sh_ just a bit. “I haven’t been sleeping much. The chances of catching me awake are high.”  
This is a small jab at Josh, and the drummer picks up on it. He’s cradling the phone on his shoulder and starts picking apart the hole in his jeans.   
“Sam, are you drunk?”  
The singer chuckles. “Extremely. What do you want, Josh?”  
  
Josh feels a pang of guilt. He did this. He’s making Sam drink in the middle of the night.  
“I’m calling because I miss you. I miss seeing you and hearing your voice. And I wanted to tell you how incredibly sorry I am. But maybe I should call at another time.”  
_Fuck. I miss you, Josh._  
  
The singer pulls the phone away for a moment and draws it to his breast. Huge salty drops plop from the corners of his eyes, staining his shirt. He inhales sharply. “Whoooo.”   
“Josh, it’s fine. I’m fine to talk.”  
He buys himself time by coughing. “Listen, Josh. Josh.”  
The drummer has been longing to hear his name escape Sam’s lips.

“Josh, I almost wanna say please don’t do this. I can’t go through this heartache again. You made your choice in the studio. But then…a part of me is glad you called. Fuck.”

Josh nods to himself, pulling on a thread from the slash in the fabric.  
“I know I fucked up, Sam. I know. That’s more than fair. But I admit I made a huge mistake and that I’ve tortured myself over it since. Please know this.”

Sam snickers. “Why now, Joshie? Why now?”

“It’s been three weeks and Tyler is still with her. We haven’t spoken in days. I called him and he wouldn’t answer. I left him a message. It’s over. All this made me realize how fucking arrogant and demanding and self-absorbed Tyler is. I don’t know why I keep falling into his trap. Shit. Repeatedly, too. He doesn’t really love me. He loves the idea of me. Of nobody else having me.”  
  
Sam hugs his knee, rubbing away the moisture on his cheek with his knuckles.  
“I’m finding it very hard to feel sorry for you, Josh. You broke my fucking heart. Do you understand this?”  
His voice cracks.  
“I’ve been a goddamn wreck. You can’t just pick up a phone and expect me to forget because you’ve had a revelation. You were fucking Tyler behind my back, behind his wife’s back. Shit.”  
  
Josh scratches the same spot on his arm, deeper and deeper each time. It’s turning hot pink. 

  
“Sam, I’ve got no excuse for what I did. It’s like I lose my mind when he pays any attention to me. But Tyler is fickle, and selfish. And he made me become fickle and selfish. That’s not the person I am. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I wanted you to know I’ll never forgive myself. I’m sorry.”  
  
The singer stares past his wall, through the concrete, screaming within his own mind’s silence. Why does he love this boi so much?  
“Josh, it’s okay. He has a hold on you. Like you have a hold on me. We pass this torch like it’s a curse.”

Josh smiles to himself. “It almost sounds like you’re writing a song, Hunter. That is your specialty.”

The older boy catches himself smirking.  
“Don’t charm your way out of this, Dun. You’re catching me in a moment of exhaustion…and inebriation. Any other time of day I would have hung up already.”

“Thanks for not doing that. I’ve missed hearing your voice. Especially hearing my name on your lips.”  
  
Sam swallows down a huge gulp of his cocktail. “Dun, you’re doing it again.”   
Josh laughs, tongue between his teeth. Sam can see it in his mind’s eye. That stupid, sexy tongue.   
“You’re thinking about us, aren’t you, Sammy?”  He slid that in seamlessly. Nice job, Joshua.   
  
Josh’s heart beats a little faster. His pulse races with all the memories now flooding back to him. He rubs his tired eyes.

The singer sighs. “I never stopped. You lit a fire inside me, Josh. And it’s smoldered ever since. In case you are wondering, I’m still in love with you. I was. I am. I will be for a while.”

Josh is caught by surprise, prompting him to bite down on his lower lip. Is there any hope?  
  
“Sam, you know that I love you, too. Differently from Tyler. But I love you. I can’t wrap my head around loving two people, but I do. Even though loving Tyler is toxic, and it needs to stop. Loving you, well…that’s been everything but toxic for me.”  
  
The last swallow of gin hits Sam, sparking an angry outburst.  
“Is this you wanting to crawl back into my bed, Dun? Is this what I am to you? A warm body? Because there’s a fucking three-thousand dollar ring in my drawer that speaks to a different truth. My truth. So make up your fucking mind. Either you want to be with me, or not. For good, though. None of this running around bullshit. My heart can’t take it, Josh. So here it is. Are you in or are you out?! I need an answer, Joshua Dun, and I need you to stick to it. So either say yes and get your ass over here, or never call me again.”

“Sam?”  Josh stands.  
“Yeah?” He scratches his head.  
“I’m standing on your doorstep. If that’s answer enough.”

Sam nearly drops the phone. “Shit. Okay. Shit. I’m coming.”   
  
The singer rolls off the bed, unsteady on his feet but he makes it down to the door without falling. Every step thaws his icy, blistered soul.  
When the locks click open, and the singer stands at the threshold, Josh is expecting an angry Sam. A diffident, cold Sam who makes him suffer for his sins before letting him inside. Instead, as soon as they take each other in, Sam literally falls into the drummer’s arms, a disarmed, emotional mess.  
  
Josh holds him up, nestles himself in Sam’s neck, and the singer clings to his waist, snuggling in.

“I missed you, Sammy. So fucking much. I’m so sorry,” Josh’s hot breath warms the spot right below the singer’s ear.  
“Joshie…I missed you, too.” They advance inside, still locked in an embrace. Josh pushes the door shut with his foot as he squeezes harder.

Sam reeks of booze and sadness. It’s breaking Josh’s heart. He pulls apart a moment, looking him straight in his chestnut eyes.  
“Sammy, I’m here. I’m not leaving you ever again. You have my word. I was a fool. I deserve any skepticism on your part. I’m gonna win back your trust, your love.”  
Josh seeks his lips, and Sam doesn’t have the will to resist. Both boys have yearned for this for weeks. Their kiss is slow, wet, and familiar.

Josh can't stop his trembling, all his love rushing back at once. Their foreheads touch.   
“I don’t want you crying anymore, Sam. Got it? I was blind to so many things. No more.”  
Sam relaxes, twirling a curl on the side of Josh’s head between two of his fingers.  
“We have one life, Josh. How do you want to spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Just love me. Just fucking love me and I’ll love you, and that’s all we need. But this shit with Tyler has to stop. For good.”  
  
“It’s done, Sam. It’s done. Regardless of how things might have gone here tonight, I decided to break it off with him. I did a few hours ago. I want you. Only you. You complete me. You love me for who I am and you don’t change me to be a worse person, to be someone I’m not. I’m lucky to have you, baby. I love you so much. I’m sorry it had to take all this bullshit for me to understand it.”

Sam nods. He’s not fully convinced, he needs more than words now. But he loves Josh, and he’s not going to let him go again.  
“Wait here, Joshie.”

Josh suspects he knows where Sam is going. His legs tremble and his palms perspire. “Oh shit,” he says to himself.  
Sam races up the steps, pulls open the drawer violently, and chucks underwear and socks all over the room. Finally, he finds what he is looking for.  
  
Sam returns, more certain in his gait. All of this has sobered him up. His auburn hair is all messy and he couldn't look more beautiful, Josh thinks.   
  
The singer is grinning. He holds a black velvet box in his quivering fingers. He nervously licks his piercing.  
“Sam- “Josh breathes. “Sam you don’t have to-“  
The boy gives him a peck on the mouth and puts an index finger to his lips. “Shh…”  
  
The older gets down on one knee and opens the container with care. Josh’s mouth drops.  
Inside is a man’s wide band, full of black diamonds. The drummer covers his mouth with his palm. He strains his almond eyes to keep the tears from falling.

“Josh, we’ve had a rocky start. But I believe in us. I believe there’s a reason for everything. If we had to break up only to find each other again that’s what had to happen. I don’t want to lose you. It would kill me.  Love demands, it doesn’t give easily. But it doesn’t just disappear at the flip of a switch, either. So here we are. As Oscar Wilde said, ‘We shall be notes in that great Symphony Whose cadence circles through the rhythmic spheres, And all the live World's throbbing heart shall be One with ours.’  
Joshua William Dun, will you marry me?”

The younger man can’t find his voice, he’s speechless from the raw sentiment in the singer’s proposal. Sam is silently praying, this pause is excruciating.  
It takes a moment for Josh to compose himself, to quiet the palpitations in his chest.  
He accepts.  
“Yes,” Josh is sobbing. “Yes. I will marry you, Samuel Michael Hunter.”

Sam grasps his left hand, slipping the band on the drummer’s ring finger. “I love you,” he breathes, locking lips with his fiancé as he places his hand over Josh’s heart.

“I know I’m kinda drunk, but this calls for champagne. Let me get some, Joshie.” The drummer wipes a tear from his eye.   
“Yes, it definitely does.”

Both men are beaming. Sam rushes off to the kitchen, opening and slamming shut cabinets in search of wine glasses.  
“Fuck it, we’ll drink right out of the bottle,” he giggles.  
Josh has never seen him this elated.   
The singer has his head in the fridge, cute ass sticking out as he shifts things around. “I know I’ve got a bottle of Moet in here. Hang on, baby.”

"Take your time, love." Josh pulls his phone out, he wants to send a message to his siblings, even though it’s late. Abby will be up for sure. As his icons load, he notices he’s got a new text message. From Tyler. Josh is almost afraid to open it. He must have heard his voicemail. Here goes everything:

“ **Jish, so sorry I was MIA. But I told her about us and shit hit the fan. Had to go back to Ohio and fix things with the fams. But I did it. She signed the divorce papers! We can be together, baby. We can finally be together. I haven’t listened 2 your voicemail yet, it urgent? Nway bbs. Flight to LA tom. morn. Luv u babe”**

The drummer’s heart stops. “Oh fuck.”

Sam returns triumphant, a chilled bottle waving in the air above his head. “Found it. Time for a toast.”  
He notices Josh has gone ashen gray. His attention drops to the phone.

“Joshie, what’s wrong?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooopsssss  
> So what now?!


	7. Not again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh chooses.   
> Sam despairs.   
> Tyler makes a difficult decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. And guess what? I still suck at summaries! :)  
> Enjoy.

“No! NO! He’s doing it again, Josh! He’s going to take you away from me!”  
Sam’s head is swimming. It might be the alcohol but he’s pretty sure it’s also all the blood suddenly rushing to his brain, making it pound like a bass drum between his ears.

Josh reaches with two quivering hands, steadying his narrow shoulders. “Sammy, listen. Look at me.”  
Sam blinks, his vision still gloomily colored with bad memories. Their eyes lock.   
“He did it twice, Josh. Twice. What’s stopping him from laying claim again?!”  
  
Josh shakes his head, anguished. “Sammy, he is NOT going to take me from you. I just said I want to marry you. YOU. Look, I’m wearing your ring. I love YOU.”  
The singer’s gaze drops to the diamond-encrusted band. He’s pale and shaky, his pjs hanging loosely from his tiny frame.  
“Okay, Joshie,” he sniffles. “Okay. But tell him. Call him. _Now._ I don’t want him to hold any hope of this happening. I’m sorry if I’m being demanding but I know what Tyler’s like.”  
  
Josh manages a nod, his curls bouncing on his forehead.   
Sam is right. When Tyler has an aim in sight, he stops at nothing. No matter who he hurts along the way. Josh found out the hard way.   
  
Josh reflects, attempting to pinpoint exactly when his heart hardened to Tyler. Maybe it was Ty disappearing and ghosting him completely.   
Perhaps, quite simply, all the lies and empty promises caught up to him. He loves Tyler. He wishes he didn't, but now even their love is not enough. Everything is tainted. There can be no going back.   
  
So he’s coming to terms. Coming to terms with loving two men, one of which is toxic for him. Tyler is Tyler, but he has a future with Sam.   
Josh loves Sam Hunter and despite everything the singer has given him another chance. He can’t blow this again.   
  
Josh retrieves the phone from the table and scrolls to the second-to-last call made. It’s really late now, but this is too important. Josh wants to reassure Sam that he is not going back.   
“Give me a minute, Sam. I’ll call him. I’m gonna fix this.”  
  
Sam sits down on the sofa, face in his hands. He’s not religious but his thoughts resemble prayers.  
   
It’s ringing. The drummer paces the kitchen, his throat closing up.   
“Hello?” Tyler’s voice cracks.   
“Ty, it’s Josh. Sorry to call so late.”  
Tyler’s breathing is shallow, senses drugged. “Everything okay? I was waiting for you to call but then I fell asleep. Did you see my text?”  
“Tyler, have you not heard my voicemail yet?”  
  
He pushes the cover back, sitting up in bed. “No, I forgot. What’s going on, Josh? You sound funny.”  
Tyler’s mind is fuddled with sleep.   
“Tyler, you and I need to talk. About your text.”  
“Joshua, you don’t sound happy. Why aren’t you happy? It's over. We can be together.”  
  
A veil of panic grips the brunette. He exhales in agitation.   
  
“Ty, I’m sorry to tell you this way but it’s important. It can’t wait. Tyler, I’m engaged. It’s over between us.”  
The phone nearly falls from Tyler’s clammy hand.   
“What?! I’m confused. What happened? Who are you engaged to?! Wha-?”  
  
“Sam. Sam asked me to marry him and I said yes. I realized a few things, Tyler, while you were off ignoring my calls. You‘ll never change. Even this divorce… this should have happened a long time ago. Hell, you should have never left me to marry her in the first place. You don’t love me like I love you, Tyler. You love the idea of me being yours.”  
Tyler’s mouth drops open in dismay. “What?! All this happened just because I went to Ohio for a few days? Sam just swoops in and-”  
  
“Jesus, Tyler, have you been listening at all? You didn’t bother telling me you were going to ask her for a divorce! You up and disappear! And you’re supposed to love me?! I was worried sick about you.”  
“Josh, it was supposed to be a surprise. I did all this for you!”  
Josh guffaws loudly, his pacing mad now. He takes but one step and then turns around.   
“You did all this for YOU, Tyler. To make yourself feel better about cheating.”   
  
Tyler’s raw hurt glitters in his eyes. “That is a lie, Josh. I love you. I left my wife for you.”  
Josh stops in his tracks. Looks over at Sam, whose so pale it's like he’s about to pass out.   
He joins him on the sofa, squeezing Sam’s hand tightly.   
  
“It’s too little too late, Tyler. And Sam didn’t swoop in on anything _. I_ came to see him tonight. ME. This is exactly what I'm talking about. Tyler Joseph can do whatever he wants but I have to sit in the fucking corner and wait until you’re ready for me. No more. Sam loves me and I love him. He respects me and makes me happy.”  
  
**“Sam will never be me, Josh.”** Tyler’s voice is husky and full of despair. Cutting.   
  
That was low. Josh winces, purses his mouth sourly. “I’m beginning to think that’s a good thing.”  
  
Tyler’s knees weaken as his lips descend into a scowl. “How can you love us both?! I don’t understand. You’ve just ruined it all, Josh. You’ve ruined my life.”  
  
Josh is tired. Annoyed. He pinches the bridge of his nose. Sam rubs his palm over the round bone of Josh’s knee in silent comfort.   
“You don’t have to understand. These are my feelings, Tyler. I don’t need to explain myself to you. For once I’m taking a page out of your rule book. I’ll get over loving you soon enough. I need a real man by my side. Not a coward.”   
  
Tyler fights back a wave of nausea. The cruelty itches beneath his skin and he’s so ready to scratch. This is the “other” Tyler. Vindictive and brutal when things don’t go his way.   
  
“I’m breaking up the band, Josh. I can’t go forward, not after this. I just can’t believe you'd… ” Tears choke the rest.   
  
Shock causes Josh’s next words to wedge in his throat. They come out brittle and dry.   
“That’s probably for the best. Goodbye, Tyler.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I was away from the fandom for so long. Things are much better now, in fact I've written four new fics for the bois. 
> 
> Miles, I really meant it when I said I was going to finish this one for you. It's got a couple chapters in it yet, hopefully it won't take me months to finish this one. I'll do my best to be quick.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading as usual.


End file.
